A great day...

I got to the hospital this morning and Paige looks fabulous!  This is the BEST she has looked for weeks! Tomorrow is surgery and I just can't believe it!  I just saw her chest x-ray from this morning and it looks better than it ever has and the fluid has stopped draining.  Dr. Cleveland is coming in between 1-1:30 to discuss. 

I know I have never mentioned my new forever friend Yolanda who cleans Paige's room everyday!  I love her so much!  She is amazing!  I love to see her and visit with her.  She says she loves to practice speaking English to me...she does a fabulous job.  She has shared so many sad and happy stories  with me about her family!  Each day I tell her how much I love her and how grateful I am for her hard work and she starts to cry every time.  She deserves something special because SHE IS SPECIAL!  It is great to be back here...thought I would never say that!  I just can't wait to hear what the Doc has to say!  I am going to feed Paige now!

Busy day...

Today I felt like Amberly was needing a little mother time so I decided I would stay home.  I called the nurses to see how Paige was doing.  They said you chose the perfect day to stay home.  We will play with her and she will be fine!  I still missed her so much all day!  Amberly and I had fun grocery shopping and running errands.  She wanted fish sticks for lunch with white sauce (I was surprised she didn't want mustard with them) . We warmed some up and had a little picnic before she went to Preschool.  She was so excited I was taking her to school.  I didn't know it was such a big deal but it was to Amberly!  While she was gone I ran more errands to get copies of the flyer for the Halloween Carnival next Wedneday.  It was nice to have a little time for myself.  I wouldn't have chosen to run errands but it wasn't that bad.  When Amberly got home we made their teachers some yummy pumpkin bread and wrapped it in cute Fall Cellophane.  The kids were so excited to take it to them!  I made some homemade potato soup for dinner.  I felt like me again.  It was a great evening and Paige even had a great day!  I could tell a difference with the kids too!

A day with Paige...

Tuesday I came in around 10:00 am to spend a day with Paige.  It was so good to see her!  She was happy to see me too!  She gave me a pick me up wave so how could I resist!  I picked her up and hugged and kissed her tight!  I love to kiss her fat cheeks.  It brings great joy to my heart!  Sweet friends brought me lunch Honey Bears BBQ (yummy) and some friends even came to say Hi during there lunch break!  It was a great visit!  I left around 5:30 to get back to the other kids.  While I was trying to leave quietly Paige heard the door shut and opened her eyes wide to see who it was.  I came back in to let her know I would be back...heart renching!  I called the nurses immediately when I got to my car to see if she was ok and she had fallen back to sleep.  It was great to be with the kids and to have dinner together.  The 8-9 year old activity day girls made dinner and decorated sugar cookies.  It was delicious!  They put the salad in a Halloween bowl with skeleton salad tongs.  My kids got a kick out of that!  We are so blessed to live where we do.  I hope everyone knows how grateful I am!!!

Paige waving...

Monday night we took the kids to the hospital to see Paige for Family Home Evening.  Aunt Donna was there visiting with Paige when we got there.  Paige started waving at Aunt Donna and it was as if Paige was talking and saying pick me up.  As soon as I got into the room she did the same thing.  I picked her up and hugged her and kissed her so much.  I hadn't seen her since Friday when she didn't look so good.  It was so good to see her not swollen and smiling again.  All the kids got to hold her and give her loves.  It was the BEST family together time we've had in a long time with all six of us.  This video of Paige will make your heart happy!

My feelings today...

Friday morning Paige was full of fluid again.  Dr. Cleveland came in and said he would be putting in another chest tube and a broviac line.  I held Paige tight knowing she was about to get hurt again to continue to help her.  My heart was aching as I watched all the equipment come into the room.  She had no IV so they had to put one in her head.  My head hurt so bad and I could only imagine how she felt.  It was time to let her go again and go wait in the waiting room.  As I walked down the hall my eyes filled with tears and the closer I got to the door the more tears flowed down my cheeks.  I went outside to the Healing Garden where I prayed to find peace and comfort.  I have my favorite place my "Sacred Grove" where I can go and try to relax.  After getting some fresh air for awhile I returned back to the 7th floor and they were still in there.  They said the chest tube went in perfect...5 minutes but the broviac line was taking forever.  After 4 big pokes they got one in on her chest.  Dr. Cleveland found me sitting patiently in the waiting room.  I got up and went into the hall.  We talked for a minute and I finally got to see my sweet baby again.  She looked so swollen, sick and I wept like a baby.  I was alone, holding her hand, kissing her face, comforting her when she was coming out of sedation.  It was hard...very hard!  My sister Jana came to see her and she cried.  We visited and talked about what Paige has been through.  While Jana was there they did remove the breathing tube which is so hard to watch but so much better on Paige and me because I can here her cry.  Jana left and I stayed for quite awhile after to watch Paige.  I again cried and cried.  She was sound asleep so I decided it was time to go home.  Very hard day!!!  Very emotional!!!  

Keith switched me places.  I had a date with my parents, Jana, Kent and Annie at The Cheesecake Factory.  Dinner was delicious but the company was worth every minute!  That is exactly what my heart needed!  I enjoyed every moment and didn't want it to end.  Saturday my dad and mom helped with so many things that needed to get done around the house.  We cleaned the house, trimmed bushes, fixed a shower head and many other things.  Shaylee went with my parents to Kent's football game at MCC and they actually WON!  I stayed home with Rylan and Amberly and we played and went to sleep.  I was emotionally drained and needed some good sleep.  Sunday came and we all played games and made Shaylee a cute cuddly blanket.  I knew my parents needed to get back home but I didn't want them to go.  They helped out so much and just knowing my kids were being taken care of was the biggest blessing.  It was so wonderful to have them around.  I finished getting the kids ready for church and headed out.  I prayed that I would be touched and lifted up at church.  I felt like each meeting was directed to me.  I felt the spirit so strongly in all three meeting.  My heart was touched!  I am thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows what we are going through.  This trial I am enduring right now is hard but also a blessing in my life.  I know Paige has touched many lives and I have been able to share my testimony about the plan our Heavenly Father has for us with so many wonderful people in the hospital.  I feel his arms around me and I know he loves and cares for his sweet little child Paige.  I can feel the prayers for our sweet Paige and for my family.  I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are happening in Paige's room.  I have seen them!

I love how Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles explains this:  Since last October I have reflected repeatedly upon the phrase "the tender mercies of the Lord." Through personal study, observation, pondering, and prayer, I believe I have come to better understand that the Lord's tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ. Truly, the Lord suits "his mercies according to the conditions of the children of men" (D&C 46:15).
Recall how the Savior instructed His Apostles that He would not leave them comfortless. Not only would He send "another Comforter" (John 14:16), even the Holy Ghost, but the Savior said that He would come to them (see John 14:18). Let me suggest that one of the ways whereby the Savior comes to each of us is through His abundant and tender mercies. For instance, as you and I face challenges and tests in our lives, the gift of faith and an appropriate sense of personal confidence that reaches beyond our own capacity are two examples of the tender mercies of the Lord. Repentance and forgiveness of sins and peace of conscience are examples of the tender mercies of the Lord. And the persistence and the fortitude that enable us to press forward with cheerfulness through physical limitations and spiritual difficulties are examples of the tender mercies of the Lord.
I am so thankful for music and how it touches my soul.  I am so thankful I have been given a gift to play the piano it soothes me as I play beautiful music.  In Relief Society on Sunday we sang I Know that My Savior Loves Me.  I wept like a baby!  I Know that My Savior Loves Me!

A long time ago in a beautiful place,
Children were gathered ’round Jesus.
He blessed and taught as they felt of His love.
Each saw the tears on His face.
The love that He felt for His little ones
I know He feels for me.
I did not touch Him or sit on His knee,
Yet, Jesus is real to me.

Chorus 
I know He lives!
I will follow faithfully.
My heart I give to Him.
I know that my Savior loves me.

Now I am here in a beautiful place,
Learning the teachings of Jesus.
Parents and teachers will help guide the way,
Lighting my path ev’ry day.
Wrapped in the arms of my Savior’s love,
I feel His gentle touch.
Living each day, I will follow His way,
Home to my Father above.Chorus


Keith took these pictures on Saturday.  She looks a lot better than she did when I left on Friday.  Poor little head!

This was on Sunday afternoon.  She loved playing with this new toy from the playroom.  Keith said she is starting to act like herself again after her procedure on Friday. 

Fluid is back...

The chest x-ray that was taken this morning came back and the fluid is back.  I am going to listen in on rounds when they come by and talk to Dr. Cleveland about surgery.  The problem has got to be fixed.  Enough is enough.  I know surgery is the worst and best plan ever and I don't want to see her go through it but she cannot live in the hospital with chest tubes over and over either.  I am praying so hard right now!  I can do this!

Roller coaster ride...

I am really trying to be PATIENT!!!!  It is so hard when you are told you GET to go HOME today and then things change and you are told you CAN'T go HOME!  They took another chest x-ray this morning and it "looks" like there is a little fluid so they are going to watch Paige and see if things will change or stay the same by tomorrow.  It is a roller coaster ride here everyday!  Paige had a great night with no chest tube, no pick line in and no oxygen.  She is AMAZING!  My mom and dad got here last night to vacation with the kids for fall break.  How thankful I am for them and the happiness they bring into my children's life!  My kids were sooooo excited!!!  I keep telling myself I am going to make it through this...i think i can, i think i can, i think i can!!!